shirkers: polka dotted white apple against red (Default)
[personal profile] shirkers
i've wanted to write this post even before i got a couple of these oops. i tried to take all notes from the official websites instead of fragrantica because you know... all of these have quite good longevity and are 50ml unless stated otherwise. in chronological order of acquisition:

MIU MIU. notes: lily of the valley, dog rose, akigalawood
first perfume i ever owned and was gifted by my sister <3 i still really love it and reach for it a lot in the summer. distinctly remember waiting for some drinks and the worker saying someone smelled delicious like .. it really does make me want to eat it. it reminds me of popping boba in terms of the fruity and round quality of it even though on paper i wouldn't be crazy about those things. this is one i've always had trouble describing and that i feel the notes don't help me at all. idk i think my nose is just not developed enough

ZARA WATERLILY TEA DRESS. notes: bergamot, neroli, sage, mint, basil, ambroxan, musk
first perfume i bought for myself. i think they discontinued the 50ml size and changed the packaging. green, light, almost aquatic and powdery, i wore this one a lot that summer in sussex. a good everyday scent because it's not sharp or strong enough to be offensive. i wear it most during the spring and summer because in the colder months i usually lean towards something with more heartiness and warmth. this one smells airy and very specifically conjures up the image of the transparency of white cloth billowing in the spring breeze. maybe also because it has less sillage and longevity than most of my other perfumes. it's part of zara's jo malone collab that famously included a lot of dupes, this one being a dupe of byredo's Gypsy Water, but i've never smelled that one so can't confirm

DIPTYQUE DO SON (HAIR MIST). notes: tuberose, orange blossom, jasmine, amberwood
okay so i'm cheating but ever since falling in love with frederic malle's Carnal Flower when i was like 18 i'd been on the hunt for a good tuberose. bought this in the dublin airport duty free after heavy encouragement lol. i don't reach for this very often but feels like a very straightforward but softened tuberose. sometimes i like spraying it on my covers and i really do love it in the hair. this is very very different from Carnal Flower (which is spicy and more mature to me) and is more palatable, even more palatable than waterlily tea dress. my friends who are not into niche..r perfumes like this one

LE LABO THÉ MATCHA 26. notes: matcha tea accord, fig, vetiver, cedarwood, orange
my heart and soul. fell in love with this one in a department store in dublin after seeking it out because i'd seen on twitter that it was E.'s signature scent. and wowww i was stunned right away. D. also really liked it (and still really does) so i felt justified to purchase it in duty free... yes the same duty free. it's taken me a while to get the matcha notes of this actually because it's not a photorealistic matcha at all. it really is a creamy fig, a bit woody, and the citrus is delectable. YUM. not a skin scent on me because it has incredible sillage and longevity. reminds me of a nice thick sweater which is funny because i actually find it too cloying in the winter? usually fragrances get heavier in the summer but now that the weather is getting warmer i am so obsessed with it again. just obsessed with it

L'ARTISAN PARFUMEUR PASSAGE D'ENFER (100ml). notes: lily, incense, white musk
a gift from my sister <3 for my 21st. also one of her favorite houses. this one is sooo lovely the smell of incense is kind of hit or miss for me but the lily lifts and sweetens it. very smoky, but not in a dry tobacco scent. almost comforting. i hadn't noticed how sweet it is until my friend commented on it. i don't really have anything like it despite the next perfume i'll mention also being smoky. i love it during the winter and on nights out

LE LABO THÉ NOIR 29. notes: bergamot, fig, bag leaves, cedarwood, vetiver, musk, tobacco, hay
bought in kyoto when i'd went with G. deliberately to get a matcha and smell Osmanthus. i really disliked Osmanthus and thought it was medicinal, but Noir ... smoky and cool and mysterious like its name. makes me think of cosmopolitan cities and high rises, specifically new york or tokyo, and wearing trench coats with my shoes clicking on pavement that's still damp from light rain. and somehow, this cosmopolitan city actually smells good post-shower. a dry, clear smoke. the rain just helps me illustrate an atmosphere of mystery but you're dry don't worry. really liked this in the winter and it's out of my rotation now but i've been thinking about it a lot so might try it out in the winter. i was originally a bit bummed that i didn't buy this in tokyo (and that i didn't get Baie instead, because it feels more kyoto and reminds me of O.) but the return on my purchase has been enough to make me happy

AESOP KARST. notes: juniper, pink pepper, bergamot, rosemar, sage, cumin, vetiver, sandalwood, cedar
not to worry. i did buy a perfume in tokyo. had never been into an aesop before visiting this location in shibuya late at night and G., R., and i were not match for the level of customer service. maybe sacrilege but aesop = sophiscated lush. we all left with multiple purchases oops. this one is so creamy but with a slight freshness that doesn't make it cloying. i actually didn't know it had marine influences until i unboxed it. to me it's not the ocean but rather the foam of the waves crashing onto the cliffside. smells sweeter on me while on G. its spicy and greener, especially in its opening. also get lots of compliments on this one

ELOREA HEAVEN. notes: boseong green tea, bergamot, pink pepper, rose, jasmine, freesia, patchouli, amber, vanilla, musk
okay. i kind of regret this one and i just bought it like two months ago. smelled it at the flagship store and thought it'd be better as a lotion. then got the discovery set and started wearing this the most often because it seemed the most approachable and i don't really have a sweet scent like this. then, started really liking it. i think it's a great scent for spring but i don't know if i'm just getting tired of it or if the warmer weather is making it too sweet for me. reminds me of the sweetness of designer scents but made less in-your-face by the tea note. very floral and i feel like someone who's used to designer scents would quite like it. idk i don't have many thoughts about this one because i haven't been that into it lately

i'll come back and make this post prettier #soon #maybe

the big 3

Apr. 22nd, 2025 12:01 am
shirkers: white cat sleeping zzz (sleeping cat)
[personal profile] shirkers
the material
my low buy year is going amazingly terrible. started out so good by only buying essentials (1. intimissimi modal cashmere tops for layering + because sale; 2. signet classics edition of othello because i love the cover) until i pivoted my desire towards perfumes ... art books ... manga.. now it's all gone to waste. i regret it a little bit but i think if i rein myself in well into summer than i will feel better about myself. also have so many things to read i can't be buying new stuff.

instead of listing the things i bought (embarrassing & requires self-reflection) i will write out my wishlist so maybe these worldly desires will go away:
  • paper republic le portfolio a6. i'm bookmarking this as a grad gift to myself because i really want one for traveling
  • the post office girl by stefan zweig. i should've used my gift card money on this damn it. also learned that it has to do with hotels so i need it
  • mcnally editions the escapist subscription. this saves $6 on the books!! not that i've read the two mcnallys i own. read kiran's latest newsletter today and i'm so jealous of her stack
  • gabar discovery set
  • a new aesop hand cream. one of these days i'll find time to go to the store and maybe do some damage. i just want a hand cream for my car ngl

the fandom
was actually feeling the creative spirit the other day which is insane to me. maybe onri is all i needed. nct wish are so cute watching their content makes me happy and relaxed and i don't think i've had that in a long time with kpop. the poppop mini was so fun i listened to it the entirety of my drive down. fav is 1000 probably. i am also coming around to yuriku which is a huge sign of maturity imo.. liking a ship that is at odds with ships including my 1pick? would never have been me but the wishies are so cute. i appreciate yuriku as my cats who aren't afraid of being affectionate. yutdaeng is also cute. been dancing around the idea of doing a dynamix poast. maybe.

as far as writing things i wanna write onri [redacted] fusion. but also like wholesome [redacted ghibli deep cut]. i hope i can water these ideas.

not exactly fandom but if you squint it can be: i want to get into gastronomy. D. says my beli reviews are really good and detailed and it shocks me how easy it is to talk about food and taste. i guess this is what it means to have opinions. summer will be for crocheting even though my local joann's no longer exists and i'd been counting on her as a place to start.

the rest
some health scares that haven't quite been resolved yet. D. and i had our first real "fight" which already gives away that it wasn't a fight lol. went to beyond again and then reflected on my entire life afterwards, again. out of the lab finally! though it was not by my own free will... and now i have so much free time i'm not using well. need to send out friend mail. excited to go back home in a couple weeks. new obsession with orange juice to the extent of actually ordering it at brunch. saying yes and journaling more

And then, impostor syndrome

Apr. 21st, 2025 03:01 pm
ruico: (Default)
[personal profile] ruico
I think it was creeping up on me slowly, that feeling you never really can avoid I think, when you like creating things. Questioning whether you are good enough, if there really is room in this world for what you make and want to make.

It's ironic, cause I think we all agree on the classic tumblr cake meme, where one person is busy comparing their cake to a fancier one, and someone else is like "nice, two cakes!!!" -- Something I also really enjoy about this analogy is how you can also technically have the fanciest, prettiest, most decorated and maybe even best made cake, but if the person eating just wants a messy, hastily thrown together cake of a specific, different flavour, then that cake might even be a lot more enjoyable for them. So of course there's room for all of the cakes! 

Even so, I found myself wondering this after seeing yet another tweet about this one particular author in the fandom I have recently joined. I haven't read any fics, and therefore I also haven't read theirs, but I've read a few summaries of fics, including their famous one, and they all sounded amazing! I wish I could instead be excited about all of the different cakes, rather than worry about wasting my timeputting out my own cakes, as if anyone would ever be like "why would someone post ANOTHER fic of them... urgh" like I don't think anyone (worth listening to, at least) would complain about having more content, even if it isn't particularly to their tastes.

It's not just with writing that this recent feeling of inferiority has taken a hold of me. I play a few ttrpgs at the moment, and I keep feeling like every time I open my mouth, I am simply wasting time or energy from others, and that they must all be annoyed, waiting for me to finish so they can go on with the actually exciting stuff. My dear friend is GM in both games, and in one we have been toying with the idea of my char romancing one of their NPCs, but I'm so anxious that even when they literally hand me the poor lad on a silver platter, I panic and drag things out. I enjoy slow burn and I don't want to force anything either, but I really just... idk, I just constantly fear that people will suddenly realise that they're wasting time on me and get annoyed with me for having taken up so much of theirs.

It's the same with this video game we are playing. I know my friend and I are both constantly scared of dragging the others down, but I just constantly feel this, and it's taking so much away from my pleasure of playing, which also makes me feel guilty. I just worry again that they are frustrated with me for not being able to keep up, even though I know sometimes that it isn't the case. Other times I can't help but feel that it really is, and that I should ... idk, get my shit together and leave them alone. I know my friends like playing with me! I think even if am kind of worse, they probably wouldn't mind. If not, why would they always ask me to play with them, yk? They could just not do that. Ah... they are generally really good at letting me know they would want to play with me, cause it's not like I'm forcing them to, and reminding myself of this really helps. (╥ᆺ╥;)

Idk, I think it's good to write these things out, exactly cause it slowly leads me to the whole conclusion thing of like, yeah dude, you might feel this way and that's fine, but also look at the facts. You aren't bothering people by existing! 

And writing all this out, I also think it's a good time to remind myself that I am having all these feelings because I am currently stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing myself! Wow! I am playing ttrpgs with others, I am pushing myself and playing competitively in games, and I am writing again! Finally. And the mind is afraid of the unknown, so naturally it is telling me to be careful, to sneak back to the safety of my comfort zone, but I am growing! I am pushing my boundaries, slowly and painfully, but continuing to do so!

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